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Letting the girl friend/boy friend stay the night

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Bit of back ground on this one, brat was supposed to have 2 friends sleep over (omg how wrong does this sound already!), but the OH mis-heard one of the names. Anyway, one doesn't stay over as he got too drunk, but the girl did stay over, in the brats room. Only found out the next morning. Nothing happened as it's not the brats girl friend, it was a mates friend. (to me this was a whole lot worse)

I have told OH and brat that, that is the first and last time, whether friend or girl friend. If it's a friend, brat can give up his bed and sleep downstairs.

But I feel at 16 he is too young, and don't want to encourage a sexual relationship. Yes I know it goes on, and am probably very old fashioned, and he will get up to all sorts when we are not there. However I would only consider a girl friend staying over when he is in a stable relationship.

I know that some of his friends parents were letting the girlfriend sleep over when they were 14/15.

Anyone got any thoughts, views or own experiences?

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They'll get up to things anyway. might as well let them do in the safety of your own place :)

That's my view :)

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smeggypants wrote:They'll get up to things anyway. might as well let them do in the safety of your own place :)

That's my view :)



That's what the local parks are for (well it was when I was that age) :roll:

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True red wrote:
smeggypants wrote:They'll get up to things anyway. might as well let them do in the safety of your own place :)

That's my view :)



That's what the local parks are for (well it was when I was that age) :roll:


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Channel Hopper wrote:Cable-tie round the base of the penis until it's blue and drops off.

(It's the only way to be sure).



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Well this is a trick one, I know from personal experience my parent were very wary of letting my bf stay in my room, they eventfully kinda got used to it when I was about 21 and with him 3 years but it was always a sticky point. I used to just them he was staying and there wasnt much they could do. TR, its really whatever you think yourself, my mum has made it pretty clear if I get a new bf though he wont be staying in my room and Im 23!



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Thanks LLC.

Do you think your parents will have the same rules for your little bro? Or do you think they'll be more lenient, as he is a boy?

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Weirdly, i got thinking about this very subject today at work after musing over some of the posts in the Christian-gay hotel story (The decision to allow a 'bed share' if one does not approve)

As a kid, i witnessed my older brother go through this scenario with my parents and experienced the same when i started having girlfriends over.
My parents stance on it was pretty clear.. "16 or 60... while your under MY roof, think again lad!". Of course, as a rampant teenage lad with little more than one thing on my mind, this policy hurt alot but begrudgingly agreed that 'bird' could sleep in the spare room. Naturally, once the crumblies were asleep, i would sneak down the landing (avoiding the creaky floorboards) ind into bed with 'bird' until it was nearly time for mum and dad to get up and then i would sneak back into my own room. This all went well until one night when 'birds mum' phoned with an emergency and crumblies found 'bird' was already on the 'bone' :D
In a way, i now appreciate that arrangement... it was fun and exciting, it made it all a bit 'naughty' and the adrenalin that surged through my veins if i heard my dad nip for a piss during the night was incredible.
Around at a couple girlfriends houses, their parents were more 'liberal' and was quite shocked when i stayed over for the first time and was instantly allowed to share the same bed as 'bird'. At first it was really cool and i thought it was terribly 'sophisticated' to be allowed such an honour.. I now think that such an 'allowance' not only took some of the fun out of it but also wonder if they believed that it was the right thing to do or whether they were... a bit...'slack' toward young sexual relations.

As a parent myself now, i truly think that my parents approach was better for many reasons. Not only was it more exciting for us lovers but also because my parents were not stupid... they KNEW we were sneaking around but didnt seek to catch us out and by ignoring what was going on, in their mind was not 'condoning' our antics. I think that taught me to be a little more responsible, discreet and appreciative when the day eventually came that 'bird' was accepted as long term enough to be allowed to share my bed.

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True red wrote:Thanks LLC.

Do you think your parents will have the same rules for your little bro? Or do you think they'll be more lenient, as he is a boy?

No I would assume they will have the same rules TR, I mean my latest bf (the one that lasted a month) said his mum would under no circumstances let a girl stay in his room and I think my parents would be the same. With my ex it was different as we were together so long but they didnt like him staying very often.



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You guys are old fashioned. Have we gone back to the 1800's :)

At 16 years old the lad is old enough to get married, move out. pay tax, have sex. To be honest it's better letting the lad get on with it in the safety of his bedroom, after first making sure he is going to use protection.

Surely that's better than him sneaking about and maybe getting some lass 'up the duff', or getting nicked for indecent exposure when he gets caught at it down the local park :eek:

I really can't see why anyone would think it's preferable for a 16 year old to be having sex down the local park over doing it in the safety of his bedroom :confused:



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Resonance wrote:You guys are old fashioned. Have we gone back to the 1800's :)

At 16 years old the lad is old enough to get married, move out. pay tax, have sex. To be honest it's better letting the lad get on with it in the safety of his bedroom, after first making sure he is going to use protection.

Surely that's better than him sneaking about and maybe getting some lass 'up the duff', or getting nicked for indecent exposure when he gets caught at it down the local park :eek:

I really can't see why anyone would think it's preferable for a 16 year old to be having sex down the local park over doing it in the safety of his bedroom :confused:

Its not being old fashioned though, if you were to say to your 16 son/daughter, bring back whoever who like and as many times as you want and feel free to have sex in your bedroom, isnt that encouraging them to have sex in the first place? I dont think TR is saying she wants him doing it in the park, just that she isnt going to stand for it under her roof.



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Little_Law_Chick wrote:Its not being old fashioned though, if you were to say to your 16 son/daughter, bring back whoever who like and as many times as you want and feel free to have sex in your bedroom, isnt that encouraging them to have sex in the first place? I dont think TR is saying she wants him doing it in the park, just that she isnt going to stand for it under her roof.


Well she did say

True red wrote:That's what the local parks are for (well it was when I was that age) :roll:


Maybe she was joking? Anyway that or similar will probably be the result. Obviously she doesn't want him bringing a different girl back every night, but if it's his girlfriend I really can't see a problem.



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Yeah I agree that its best done in the safety of his own home! When I was growing up my mother was really strict on me. When I was 16 I had an 'interest' in one guy and the only way I was allowed to have him over was if there was a big group of us staying over. She obv didnt know half my friends were bi anyway haha. You may as well let girls stay over. Either way they will find a way to mess around, whether ur there or not! Its what they do :)

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TimmyTooFar wrote:Yeah I agree that its best done in the safety of his own home! When I was growing up my mother was really strict on me. When I was 16 I had an 'interest' in one guy and the only way I was allowed to have him over was if there was a big group of us staying over. She obv didnt know half my friends were bi anyway haha. You may as well let girls stay over. Either way they will find a way to mess around, whether ur there or not! Its what they do :)



Oh I know they'll do it, I just prefer it not done while I'm there.

I was never allowed boyfriends over, but can tell you all the great secluded car parks, and country spots in our area :pp:

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Resonance wrote:You guys are old fashioned. Have we gone back to the 1800's :)

At 16 years old the lad is old enough to get married, move out. pay tax, have sex. To be honest it's better letting the lad get on with it in the safety of his bedroom, after first making sure he is going to use protection.

Surely that's better than him sneaking about and maybe getting some lass 'up the duff', or getting nicked for indecent exposure when he gets caught at it down the local park :eek:

I really can't see why anyone would think it's preferable for a 16 year old to be having sex down the local park over doing it in the safety of his bedroom :confused:


Heh..

If he is old enough to get married, move out, pay tax, and have sex... then let him get married, move out, pay tax etc... ltes see how long it lasts before he wishes he were back home. :D

I dont go with it being 'old fashioned' although i understand the sentiment.
To me, its more about accepting responsibility and appreciating things more as well as bed sharing being something earned.
To give an example, if somebody gave you (say) a Ferrari would you appreciate it as much as if you had worked long and hard to earn it? Sure, at first its great but the novelty would wear off much quicker.

I think you can instill sexual responsibility within young adults without 'forcing' them into humping down secluded alleyways. You dont think they are honestly sat listening to 'records' in their room do ya? :D Of course not and neither will they stay in their own rooms at night but handing them the gold key to the crapper straight away is not the best way to ensure respect, especially when they inevitably bring home somebody whom you really do not approve of.

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Resonance wrote:You guys are old fashioned. Have we gone back to the 1800's :)

At 16 years old the lad is old enough to get married, move out. pay tax, have sex. To be honest it's better letting the lad get on with it in the safety of his bedroom, after first making sure he is going to use protection.

Surely that's better than him sneaking about and maybe getting some lass 'up the duff', or getting nicked for indecent exposure when he gets caught at it down the local park :eek:

I really can't see why anyone would think it's preferable for a 16 year old to be having sex down the local park over doing it in the safety of his bedroom :confused:




I know it's legal for him to be having sex, but does that mean he's mature enough to have the relationship that I would hope go with sex. No it does not.

I'm not saying I would prefer him to go and have sex in the park, far from it. I would want him to wait until he is a relationship. We have spoken to him about safe sex, and that it's not just about the worry of getting a girl pregnant, it's about protecting himself against std's.

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True red wrote:I know it's legal for him to be having sex, but does that mean he's mature enough to have the relationship that I would hope go with sex. No it does not.

I'm not saying I would prefer him to go and have sex in the park, far from it. I would want him to wait until he is a relationship. We have spoken to him about safe sex, and that it's not just about the worry of getting a girl pregnant, it's about protecting himself against std's.


But if he's going to do it anyway........

I still don't get why you think it's such a bad thing? It's not like he'll be at it in the living room while you're watching TV, at least I hope not :fingers_crossed:

You seem to be objecting to him having sex under your roof, because you weren't allowed to do the same. You don't seem to have any other reasons beyond that?



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True red wrote:
TimmyTooFar wrote:Yeah I agree that its best done in the safety of his own home! When I was growing up my mother was really strict on me. When I was 16 I had an 'interest' in one guy and the only way I was allowed to have him over was if there was a big group of us staying over. She obv didnt know half my friends were bi anyway haha. You may as well let girls stay over. Either way they will find a way to mess around, whether ur there or not! Its what they do :)



Oh I know they'll do it, I just prefer it not done while I'm there.

I was never allowed boyfriends over, but can tell you all the great secluded car parks, and country spots in our area :pp:



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