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Sicktoria Stops Singing!!! And there was much rejoicing!

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Belson Armed Beckam

Fleshless Victoria Stickham whose brain is obviously lagging years behind the rest of the world has made an amazing announcement that her singing career is over. And there was much rejoicing!

150 insiders and sources were in intensive care this morning after collapsing with terminal incredulity. One particular tough insider who managed to remain slightly coherent gasped "How on earth can someone who can't sing announce the end of their singing career? teh celeb world is in turmoil. many of my friends are in a bad way."
Ex-Spice Girl Geri Smelliwell confirmed her retirement from terrible singing last week after a 1,293,775,009,342.665 signature petition was handed into her agent Johnny Quickbuck scrawled on the back of a moose.

The 34-year-old bone structure has copied Smelliwell and has embarked upon a series of regular retirements from singing. Her husband David, who was caught wanking over a plastic Rebecca Loos doll last Tuesday said "I wasn't wanking, I was cleaning my penis"

Sicktoria Beckham told friends "I'm not going to sing anymore, I'm turning my mic off." - Shares in literally everything shot up by 100% as the world's mood exploded and the Middle East Peace Process finally concluded successfully.

Beckham also denied rumours that she is to join Boris Johnson in a session of Underwater Penguin Thrashing at Sammy's Emporium of Underwater Penguin thrashing in Lewisham next Thursday. She said: "I heard about it, but the penquins are too slippery. And they smell of Cabbage"

According to a source, Sicktoria also denied 300 reports of her farting and asked if she could also deny a report about her denying a denial. "I seem to be denying everything, according to the press!" she said. The press denied this but an insider had pencilled her in for an interview yesterday but they couldn't find her as she was hiding behind a lamp post.

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